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Sunday, 9 September 2012

Thursday, 9 August 2012

Angel Delight Ice Cream

I love Angel Delight - even to the point where sometimes I can't even be bothered to whisk it properly and just drink it like a sweet soup.

Don't judge me! It's the perfect dessert (apart from the whisking) - you don't have to chew it and it comes in butterscotch flavour. (Second only to cinnamon in the flavour roster, and as yet there is NO cinnamon flavour Angel Delight). And it's hard to combine two more attractive words in the English language than Angel and Delight. Look:

Angel (n):A typically benevolent celestial being that acts as an intermediary between heaven and earth

Delight (n): Something that gives great pleasure or enjoyment.

So basically that's like a magic winged ghost giving you a very enjoyable pudding in heaven. And it's a fair bet that God himself eats Angel Delight on a regular basis. (BET HE DOESN'T HAVE TO DO THE WHISKING THOUGH).

Whereas this:


sounds like the sort of pudding a nazi would serve.

Anyway, someone at Angel Delight HQ noticed what a blazing summer we're having and decided now was the time to bring out Angel Delight ICE CREAM.


Yeah you read that right - Angel Delight Ice Cream.

Sadly you have to make it yourself (more whisking), but it promises to be worth it. Look:



Now, Angel Delight is exciting - that's a given  - but FROZEN Angel Delight? That's TAKING EXCITEMENT TO A WHOLE NEW LEVEL What level of excitement are we on now? I'm glad you asked, it's Level 2.

Now - there's an extra twist involved in Angel Delight Ice Cream Mix. Check it:


Make it your own! Try adding peanut butter! NO THANKS. Don't try and tell me there's peanut butter in heaven. There isn't.

BUT this means anyone can finally better the b*@%*ds at Ben and Jerry's. If you've had enough of putting up with 'Phish Food' or 'Karamel Sutra' or any of their other hilariously named flavours - now is your time. The power is back in our hands people!  So if you really want to make some fresh fruit and peanut butter* ice cream, now you can. And let me let you into a little secret about Ben and Jerry's - there is no "Jerry"! That's right, there's a Ben, but he completely made up "Jerry" after a focus group said he's sell more ice-cream if people thought he had a friend. Think about it - no one is called Jerry in real life. There's that mouse and Jerry Seinfeld but that's it. Ben makes it all himself on a lonely farm.

Anyway, now we can make our own stupid flavours up! So here's how you make Angel Delight Ice Cream:

1) Add milk and whisk. At this point we are still on excitement level 2. (don't worry, I tasted the 'raw' mixture at this stage - 5 out of 7)


2) Pop in the 'extra' ingredients and pour into in Tupperware (excitement level 3)


3) Put a lid on it, freeze & WAIT FOR A MINIMUM OF FOUR HOURS (expect excitement levels to drop to a 1.5 during this period).

4) Wait three hours and get bored so take it out and eat it.



EXCITEMENT LEVEL SEVEN!

I added a King Size Twix and some Oreos to make TWIX AND OREO ICE CREAM which is better than any flavour Ben and "Jerry"'s ever came up with ever. And if they did, they'd probably call it 'Cookie Karamel Crumble' or 'The Ice-Cream-inator' or 'Cherry Garcia' or something and charge you £4.99 for the privilege.

Angel Delight Ice Cream sort of works. It doesn't go icy like frozen milk, but it's not exactly light and creamy either - it's pretty dense and a little too sweet. Ultimately, good old fashioned Angel Delight is still the best.

Gobble Monkey Twix and Oreo ice cream, £1.79
Gobble Monkey says: 7 out of 7

*Don't

Monday, 6 August 2012

Vice Versas

Remember these from the 90s?


They were a bit like Minstrels - but with a twist!

Can you guess what the twist was?


That's right, the ones with milk chocolate shells have white chocolate inside and the others were well, vice vera.

Imagine! White chocolate living side-by-side in harmony with milk chocolate!

But there was a problem. Yeah you thought the Nineties was all about free love, New Labour and Shed Seven BUT the men and women of the 90s rejected Vice Versas. They couldn't stand to see white and milk chocolate together in the same packet. So no one bought them and Nestle had to stop production. Now, I'm not saying the 90s humans were massive racists, but meanwhile sales of Milky Bars were soaring. YOU DO THE MATH.

But could us "future-humans" manage to be more tolerant of a society where white / milk chocolate are treated equally?

Because I have a dream. I have a dream that my chocolates will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the colour of their shells but by the tastiness of their character...

WHAT I SAW IN MY DREAM
Well now Vice Versas have been re-released into a more open-minded world. I think John Terry is even doing the TV advert (Shrewd move Nestle!) and fingers crossed, they'll be embraced.*

Vice Versas, Nestle, £1.59
Gobble Monkey says: I LIKE BOTH WHITE SHELLED AND MILK SHELLED ONES EQUALLY I AM NOT A RACIST.

*If only to stop me having that bloody dream. Honestly, it's really getting on my nerves. Two half eaten chocolates sitting in a field. What sort of a dream is that? It's boring.

Thursday, 12 July 2012

Milka: Oreo

I like chocolate and I like Oreos.

BUT

What if I'm far too lazy to get a packet of Oreos and some chocolate separately, take a mouthful of each and chew them together inside my face? It takes up too much time and people look at me strangely in the supermarket.

What I want is for Milka to insert all my favourite biscuits into their chocolate for me. I don't care if that means they have to make whole new machines for their factories or employ extra chocolate technicians to work out the "math". That's not my problem. Just do it please.


Thank you.

But why stop at putting biscuits into chocolate? Why not put crisps into an olive, or stuff a pickled onion into a cake? Think of all the time we could save. I would like to live in a world where I no longer have to eat three courses separately, instead all my meals - starter, first course, pudding / breakfast, lunch, dinner - will be combined into just one dish. Maybe in the form of a horrible pie.

Not the pie I was talking about earlier

But before that can happen, we have to accept Milka with Oreo in it. If it's success then maybe they can move on to the pickled onion thing, but it's important we embrace this bold first move.

Rare glance under the surface of a Milka Oreo segment

But Monsieur Gobble Monkey, what if we don't like Milka with Oreo? I hear you ask - well don't panic it's  as nice as you'd expect - all the good bits of an Oreo (i.e. the biscuit bits and the creme filling) combined with all the good bits of Milka chocolate (i.e. the chocolate). And if you hang on for a second and stop barking inane questions at me, you'll find out I'm about to hand it a massive Gobble Monkey 6 out 7.

Milka with Oreo, £1.45, available from Cyber Candy 
Gobble Monkey says 6 out of 7 (see told you)

Tuesday, 12 June 2012

Twix McFlurry

So way back in Jan 2012, I wondered if this year would see the release of the almost mythical "Twix McFlurry" from McDonald's. Now I'm not saying the McDonald's bigwigs religiously read Gobble Monkey and obey it's every directive, but check this out:


It's just a massive co-incidence, right Ronald McDonald?

Hmmm anyway when Ronald McDonald started McDonald's restaurants back in the 1950s no one could have possibly dreamed of a Twix McFlurry. If you said the words "Twix McFlurry" to a 1950s American gentleman he would have probably called you a "nancy boy", punched you in the face and told you to get off his land before he shot you.

The words were literally meaningless. 

So a lot of people laughed at Ronald McDonald back then when he went around muttering things like "McFlurry" and "Fillet-O-Fish" incessantly. But that was mostly because he insisted on wearing make-up at all times. Plus back then people actually liked clowns and found them at least moderately amusing.

These days everyone hates clowns and finds them evil, and Ronald hasn't been allowed to appear in his own adverts since 1994, when he was replaced by things like salad and the Chicken Maestro.

Anyway, thank god that mental clown man stuck with his crazy ice-cream-mixed-with-a-popular-chocolate-bar idea because now in June 2012 they have finally reached their pinnacle.

So what do they taste like? Well, if you can imagine some cheap soft ice-cream with a Twix crumbled up in it, then you're most of the way there. Luckily that just about describes probably the best dessert combination of all time. Thanks Ron.


Twix McFlurry, McDonalds, 1.39p
Gobble Monkey says 6 out of 7

More Mcflurries

Wednesday, 6 June 2012

Pinky Pigs

My face went mental this week when I saw this:

@Angela_Barnesy: "This is my pal Jo Hoare's design project from school in 1991. M+S introduce Percy Pigs in 1995."

Jo Hoare 1991.
M&S 1995.

YOU DO THE MATH.

Now I've made false allegations against Fred Ferkel / Percy Pig before, and after the infamous "Tappsy Scandal" I am reluctant to open this particular Pandora's Pig Pen again. (All I'll say is, Jo Hoare, the Percy Pig empire is worth approx £2.2billion. M&S you better have a very good lawyer*.)

But either:

a) M&S are thieving b-stards who steal multi-million pound ideas from school children,
b) Jo Hoare has a functional time machine
OR c) the Percy Pig mould - like the works of Shakespeare and the likeness of Santa Claus - has gone into the public domain, and thus anyone can use it.** Even, say, cheap high street clothes retailers.

Yeah that's right, I said clothes retailers. Check these out, from popular UK high-street cardigan shop, Next:


MMMM SOMETIMES WHEN I AM BUYING A CARDIGAN I WANT TO EAT A SWEET SHAPED LIKE A PIG'S FACE ALSO.


Since when did Next start making sweets? I mean they make excellent cardigans, there's no argument there, none at all - but Pig Sweets? It's an odd extension to their range of socks and t-shirts with big numbers on. Anyway, they're definitely from the same mould as Percy / Ferkel - check it:

PINKY PIG


GOOD NEWS: JO HOARE YOU ARE ENTITLED TO 99% OF ALL PINKY PIG PROFITS***

BAD NEWS: Next's Pinky Pigs taste nothing like Percies. They're disgusting. Imagine eating some rubber that's been.... no, hang on, just imagine eating some rubber. That's it. They taste like rubber. And not even tasty rubber either. I'd imagine their cardigans actually taste nicer.

But this year I am hoping to win this:



so i am awarding them the full Gobble Monkey 7 out of 7. And if you don't like that, why don't you go and write a letter to OFCOM or something?****

Pinky Pigs, Next, £1
Gobble Monkey says 7 out of 7

thanks to @mullies for the sweets.
Check out more fake Percies here and here

*they probably do.
**it's definitely c) OK? Definitely.
***approx. £0.30p
****good luck with that.

Monday, 21 May 2012

Curiously Strawberry

Quick, what is the one thing you are most curious about in the whole world?

Decided?

Was it a strawberry?

No?

Oh.

Well look at this and tell me you're not the least bit curious about it:


Hmmmmmmmmm? Just look at their insane grinning faces and massive tongues! Now are you curious? Mental.

Now when I was a young monkey, I liked to eat a cereal called Cinnamon Toast Crunch - it was one of my favourites (I've often petitioned for cinnamon to take it's rightful place on the dinner table next to salt and pepper - a pudding condiment if you will).

But sadly Cinnamon Toast Crunch disappeared and eventually reappeared as 'Cinnamon Grahams' - the second worst cereal name of all time. (Named after their non-cinnamon flavoured cousins Golden Grahams.)

Having vowed NEVER to eat a cereal called Graham, I didn't buy them. But then Cinnamon Grahams were rebranded as Curiously Cinnamon a few years ago - the worst cereal name of all time.

I can only imagine that the marketing department at Nestle must have had a competition in the office to see if anyone could one up with a WORSE name than Cinnamon Grahams, and Janet from accounts came up with Curiously Cinnamon.

(The name doesn't even make grammatical sense, meaning I've been forced to call them "Cinna-meanies" - it's not perfect but it's easier for everyone involved.)

Also Janet must be the only person in the world to be curious about cinnamon. What's curious about cinnamon Janet? Hmm? I mean I like cinnamon, but only an idiot would be curious about it, it's really not that interesting.

There are at leasr five other cereal flavours I would be more curious about:

1) Curiously Coffee*
2) Curiously Liquorice*
3) Curiously slow roasted tomato, basil and parmesan quiche*
4) Curiously Uncurious*
5) Curiously Beef*

HOWEVER I am slightly curious about these new strawberry* variants, even if the name now makes even less grammatical sense. They've even had to put a little asterix to explain the word strawberry, just in case you thought the box didn't contain cereal, but actually a massive curious strawberry.



See, their full title is actually Curiously Strawberry Flavour - but that name (suggested by Janet) was obviously deemed a step too far to put on the packet.

OK so here's a naked Curiously Strawberry*:


Slightly disappointed about the lack of an insane face and massive tongue, but never mind, the real test of a new cereal is whether they taste nice 'raw' - sans milk - and I'm am pleased to say Curiously Strawberry* do. They have an intensely sweet strawberry* flavour.

Now here's a bowl of Curiously Strawberry* dans milk:


Are they nice? Well it's a bit like eating cornflakes with strawberry milkshake instead of normal milk. Which can only be a good thing.

CURIOSITY SATISFIED.

Curiously Strawberry, Nestle, approx £3
Gobble Monkey says 6 out of 7

*flavour

Saturday, 12 May 2012

Galaxy Flutes

What do you do if you're on a diet but you still want to constantly eat chocolate?

a) eat an apple
b) pour yourself some Diet Coke, put on Sex and The City and think about buttercups for a bit
OR
c) eat some 'health chocolate'

Most chocolate companies have a lighter product for their more "discerning customer" - eg Mars Delight, KitKat Senses and - i can barely bring myself to write it - the Twix Fino.

Basically, making chocolate healthy entails shoving some wafer in it and giving it a poncy name.

So here's the latest Galaxy health chocolate:


Flute, because flutes are light and floaty you see. Whereas a trombone is big and heavy. Galaxy Trombones would not work. Neither would Galaxy Extra Fat Oboe.

(Note the thin lower case font used to write flutes - they couldn't have made those letters any thinner could they? This is what you will look like if you eat Galaxy flutes.)

Here's what Galaxy say about the Flutes (sorry flutes):

“Galaxy Flutes perfectly encapsulate the indulgence and pleasure which have become synonymous with the Galaxy brand and are a perfect treat for a luxurious snack for discerning chocolate lovers.

Consumers will love the benefit of a combination of textures with the mix of wafer and cream providing an ideal afternoon snacking moment."

Hmmmm that sounds like the very definition of delicious doesn't it! (If you asked a robot to define delicious).

How could these possibly be low fat?! Look at all the nice words they use:

indulgence
pleasure
perfect
treat
luxurious
discerning
ideal afternoon snacking moment

These are going to be amazing right? Do you want to have a look? You do?

OK PREPARE YOUR EYES....
.
.
.
READY TO LOOK AT AN INDULGENT PERFECT PLEASURE TREAT?
.
.
.
GO!
Remember ladies, you may ONLY eat these in the afternoon

You see by "discerning chocolate lovers", what Galaxy really mean is desperate chocolate lovers.

My advice, just eat a twix then go for a walk afterwards.

Or try my new invention - it's called Dairy Milk Pan Pipe, and it's basically a chocolate covered piece of raw asparagus. Only 3 calories.

(As for me, I'm going to be buying all my Galaxy Flutes from this guy - 24 for £2.39!! That's less than 10p a bar! Still in date! Perfect for Halloween! And he's got a nice beard.)



Galaxy Flutes, 50p 
Gobble Monkey says 5 out of 7


Sunday, 29 April 2012

Bassetts Jelly Mascots

Hello! Look, Bassett's have made some jelly sweets especially for the Olympic Games in June. HERE THEY ARE:


They are jellied versions of London's Olympic mascots Wenlock and Mandeville, who are officially described as "two drops of steel with cameras for eyes"

Their story is that classic fairy tale of two drops of steel who are rescued from the last girder used to build the Olympic Stadium (the camera eyes are not explained in the story).

Their names are taken from some boring places in the UK that have some tenuous historical connection to the Olympics. Kids love boring places in the UK with tenuous historical connections to the Olympics almost as much as they love drops of molten steel.

WITH CAMERAS FOR EYES.

(They had to add the camera for eyes bit as someone on the design team was worried that characters based on bits of metal might be a bit, well, dull. And thank God they did! Imagine if Wenlock and Mandeville just had NORMAL eyes! I wouldn't have been able to get on board with that at all.)

So what happens when you take a blob of molten steel with a cycloptic eye camera and turn it into jelly*? THIS: 


What is that? What am I supposed to think about that? That I'm about to eat a jellied version of a drop of molten steel from a girder that went on to be used to make a building somewhere? YUMMY. And you thought Rowntree's Randoms were random. (They aren't)

Anyway, here's the mascot from Euro 96 when England held the European Football Championships:


Look at him - a lion, a nice friendly recognisable lion with a kind lion face. He's called "Goaliath" which is a real name plus has an amusing football related pun in it. But sadly in 1997 all lions were subsequently deemed racist. In fact, all cuddly animals were banned from being used as mascots in the UK after all of them were found to have some connotations of evil, antisemitism or just "didn't reflect our core values as a nation". The only safe, inoffensive material to base a mascot on was found to be steel girders.

That's why we got these two. PHEW!

In the future, I hope all symbols, mascots, logos and cereal-box characters will be reduced to shapeless proto-forms which don't resemble any recognisable object or carry any any preconceived associations.

So here's my idea for a mascot for the 2016 games. They can have this for free:


He's called Olympic Bob and he represents fair play and a conscientious attitude to picking up litter.

(P.S DON'T WORRY HIS EYES ARE CAMERAS)

Bassetts Jelly Mascots, £1
Gobble Monkey says: 2 out of 7


*i think I heard this question asked on University Challenge once.

Sunday, 22 April 2012

Wagon Wheels

I like the idea of Wagon Wheels more than I actually like Wagon Wheels.


Wednesday, 18 April 2012

Percy in the Pink

I was getting worried when Marks and Spencers hadn't released a new Percy Pig themed product for a least a week - but then these came out: PHEW


Check out Percy there, hard at work in the kitchen. MAKING CHOCOLATE PIGS IN HIS OWN IMAGE.

How vain is that - making sweets that look exactly like yourself? You wouldn't catch Delia Smith making a chocolate brownie in the shape of her own face would you? Or a range of Jamie Oliver sausages shaped like exact replicas of his own miniaturised body? (although I would definitely buy both of these).

Hopefully soon all Marks and Spencer products will be re-modelled into the shape of Percy's face, the shop will be re-named Marks and Percy and Spencer, then re-named again as Percy's Pig Emporium before all staff are forced to wear pig masks and communicate only in oinks. That's my dream anyway - and I won't rest until it happens. (except for the oinking thing)

Percy of course would rule over the whole thing like a mad dictator - look he's already got the salute down pat:


Stupid Nazi.

So anyway, these chocolate versions of Percy Pig are made from white chocolate with dried raspberry & strawberry concentrates - the same recipe as the infamous Percy Pig Easter Egg from last Egg Day. They taste exactly the same as that - far too sweet to be consumed by a human. Sadly, I fear under Percy's new regime of terror we won't have a choice.


Percy in the Pink, 99p, Marks and Spencers
Gobble Monkey says: 2 out of 7


Tuesday, 10 April 2012

The Great American Cereal Book

Check out this book I got:


Yeah that's right, a 368 page hardback book all about cereal. That's the kind of book I like reading OK? Cereal is good - as Jerry Seinfeld said, what could be better than eating and drinking at the same time with one hand without looking?

There's even a full range of Gobble Monkey cereals.

But American cereals are mental.

While here in the UK we have terminally dull cereals called things like "Start", (I call it Stop) and "Special K" (Nothing special about it and it doesn't begin with K), in America they just put doughnuts in a bowl with milk and eat them for breakfast:


Note the free torch. Anyway I suppose they make some sort of vague sense - unlike these:


I cant imagine the guys at Kelloggs okaying those. Cereal that grows in a tree? And just look at the slogan:


"We are the Freakies. Oh we are the Freakies. And this is our Freakies tree. We never miss a meal, 'cause we love our cereal."

Now I know it was the Seventies, but in what universe is that a good slogan? It doesn't rhyme, it doesn't make sense and it mentions trees.

And these are apparently based on people Freakies creator "Jackie End" knew - including HamHose, Snorkeldorf and Grumble. The guys down at Wells Rich Greene must have loved Jackie End mustn't they? I bet they loved marketing his tree-based cereal. That's probably why they made up that rubbish slogan.

But the most freaky thing about Freakies is that the actual cereal doesn't look freaky at all, it's just little round hoops, no freakier than a Cheerio. Maybe that was Jackie End's masterstroke - you look at the box, you read the slogan, and just when you thought things couldn't get anymore freaky - they didn't.

But hey, what about if you love cereal - BUT HATE SPOONS? Then just get some 'Fingos':


"The cereal you eat with your fingers" - isn't that just crisps?

Anyway, here's Boo Berry - he's some sort of effeminately dressed blue ghost. That's normal. Now look at his face. He looks like he's about to throw up all over you doesn't he? Maybe he's eaten too many bowls of Boo Berry. How many bowls is too many? I reckon about one. (No prizes for guessing what colour his vomit will be.)


I would like to get hold of that hat though. But hold on, Boo Berry's got a friend - he's called FrankenBerry.


Don't worry about what FrankenBerry is or that his name makes no sense. He's just some sort of re-animated dead strawberry with metal eyes and a clock attached to his bum-shaped head, OK? It's not important. Just stop thinking about it.

Not all American cereal is good though. Almond "Delight" was so disgusting they had to give away free money to get people to buy it:


Now quickly close your eyes and imagine the craziest cow you can think of. Ready? Now look at this:


That's right - he's wearing a pink hat. Was the crazy cow you imagined wearing a pink hat? I bet he wasn't. And look - Crazy Cow cereal turns the milk STRAWBERRYEY! Suck on that Coco Monkey.

The Great American Cereal Book by Martin Gitlin and Topher Ellis. £11.19, available from amazon
Gobble Monkey says: seven out of seven

Gobble Monkey reviews French cereal here.

Gobble Monkey's least favourite cereal mascots here


Friday, 6 April 2012

Tango Demolition Balls

AT LAST!

It's here! YES! Tango Chocolate!*


What do you mean you don't want any?

I don't know why Tango Chocolate* has taken this long, to be honest.  The logic is simple: Everyone likes Tango, so why not just put Tango in everything?

Tango Chocolate* is only the beginning. In the future, I would like ALL food that I eat to be infused with Tango. Tango cereal for breakfast, Tango sandwiches for lunch and Tango chips and Tango ice cream for tea. What about warm Tango soup? Or Tango cheese. All washed down with an ice-cold glass of sweet, sweet Tango.

The Tango possibilities are endless. (If you don't like Tango, don't worry, you will soon get used to it. You won't have a choice.)

OK LET'S EAT THE TANGO CHOCOLATE*

So the USP of the Tango "Demolition" Balls/Bar* is they contain bits of popping candy. ("Tang Your Taste Buds" the slogan says, meaninglessly.)


The "Demolition Bar" is one of the most disgusting things I've ever eaten. It's a bit like a soft Aero with an incredibly sweet, sickly orange aftertaste that clogs in the throat - Terry's Chocolate Orange this ain't. And the popping candy just got on my nerves.


The "Demolition Balls" fare slightly better, if only because they deliver their sickly orange punch in a smaller dose. They're a bit like Orange Revels, but with the addition of that irritating popping candy again. Consider my taste buds "tanged".

Still, it's too late to stop the Tango Revolution now, so we may as well just get on with it.

Tango Demolition Bar, 50p
Gobble Monkey says: zero of of seven


Tango Demolition Balls, 55p
Gobble Monkey says: 2 out of seven


*Contains no actual Tango.

















.

Sunday, 1 April 2012

Cadbury's Dairy Milk buttons Easter Egg

It's almost Egg Day!!!  Or Egg Sunday, or Eat As Many Chocolate Eggs As Possible Weekend or whatever you like to call it.

What egg will you be getting this Egg Day? Hmmm?

HERE'S AN IDEA: just buy a bar of chocolate.

Why are you so obsessed with eggs anyway? Look a large bar of Cadbury's Dairy Milk is 230 grams for £1.97. A Dairy Milk buttons egg is 101 grams and costs £2.

YOU DO THE MATH EGGSTEIN.

Yet YOU are still obsessed with buying chocolate moulded into the shape of an egg, and are happy to pay above the odds for the privilege for child labour camps to mould your chocolate into the shape of an egg to sate your unquenchable egg-shaped-things addiction. That's how much you love eggs.

Maybe you think that all food should be melted down and re-shaped into the image of an egg (your favourite food)? You'd love that wouldn't you.

Well check out my chocolate egg this year:


IT'S GOT A BLOODY MONKEY IN IT.


Did the monkey come out of the egg? Or did he lay it?

Since when did monkey's have anything to do with eggs? Monkey's don't lay eggs, they don't live in eggs and I'm not even sure they even like eggs* - and yet Cadbury's have deemed it reasonable to shove a 'soft monkey toy' in with my traditional Egg Day chocolate egg.  Is nothing sacred anymore? Not even our precious Egg Day??!

Tescos have gone one step further this year and turned the actual eggs into animals:

Yes, along with a rabbit and a chicken, that's another pig egg there - according to Tescos, he's called "Peter Pig Egg Face". What sort of a sentence is that? You couldn't choose four more unconnected words. If someone called me 'Peter Pig Egg Face' on the street I'd spit on them.

And a chicken that is also an EGG? That's making my brain melt.

Marks and Spencer, in addition to their monstrous Percy Pig "Egg", have eschewed animals completely with this chocolate robot egg called EggBot.

Aren't traditional Egg Day eggs supposed to be a symbol of 'new life'? Surely a robot is the antithesis of 'new life' - being a mishmash of dead metal and artificial intelligence and all.

It's almost as if confectionery manufacturers have forgotten the true meaning of Egg Day.**

I predict that by next year's Egg Day, eggs will have been completely replaced by any moulded chocolate object, not just pigs, monkeys or robots, but chocolate crows, butchers and a sudoko.

This means we'll have to find a new name for Egg Day. I can't think of anything though.

Cadbury's Dairy Milk buttons chocolate Egg, £2
Gobble Monkey says: tastes exactly the same as Cadbury's Dairy Milk.

*i should know i am a monkey.
** that's worshipping King Eggo, Lord of of the eggs, right?