Angel Delight Ice Cream

I love Angel Delight - even to the point where sometimes I can't even be bothered to whisk it properly and just drink it like a sweet soup.

Don't judge me! It's the perfect dessert (apart from the whisking) - you don't have to chew it and it comes in butterscotch flavour. (Second only to cinnamon in the flavour roster, and as yet there is NO cinnamon flavour Angel Delight). And it's hard to combine two more attractive words in the English language than Angel and Delight. Look:

Angel (n):A typically benevolent celestial being that acts as an intermediary between heaven and earth

Delight (n): Something that gives great pleasure or enjoyment.

So basically that's like a magic winged ghost giving you a very enjoyable pudding in heaven. And it's a fair bet that God himself eats Angel Delight on a regular basis. (BET HE DOESN'T HAVE TO DO THE WHISKING THOUGH).

Whereas this:

sounds like the sort of pudding a nazi would serve.

Anyway, someone at Angel Delight HQ noticed what a blazing summer we're having and decided now was the time to bring out Angel Delight ICE CREAM.

Yeah you read that right - Angel Delight Ice Cream.

Sadly you have to make it yourself (more whisking), but it promises to be worth it. Look:

Now, Angel Delight is exciting - that's a given  - but FROZEN Angel Delight? That's TAKING EXCITEMENT TO A WHOLE NEW LEVEL What level of excitement are we on now? I'm glad you asked, it's Level 2.

Now - there's an extra twist involved in Angel Delight Ice Cream Mix. Check it:

Make it your own! Try adding peanut butter! NO THANKS. Don't try and tell me there's peanut butter in heaven. There isn't.

BUT this means anyone can finally better the b*@%*ds at Ben and Jerry's. If you've had enough of putting up with 'Phish Food' or 'Karamel Sutra' or any of their other hilariously named flavours - now is your time. The power is back in our hands people!  So if you really want to make some fresh fruit and peanut butter* ice cream, now you can. And let me let you into a little secret about Ben and Jerry's - there is no "Jerry"! That's right, there's a Ben, but he completely made up "Jerry" after a focus group said he's sell more ice-cream if people thought he had a friend. Think about it - no one is called Jerry in real life. There's that mouse and Jerry Seinfeld but that's it. Ben makes it all himself on a lonely farm.

Anyway, now we can make our own stupid flavours up! So here's how you make Angel Delight Ice Cream:

1) Add milk and whisk. At this point we are still on excitement level 2. (don't worry, I tasted the 'raw' mixture at this stage - 5 out of 7)

2) Pop in the 'extra' ingredients and pour into in Tupperware (excitement level 3)

3) Put a lid on it, freeze & WAIT FOR A MINIMUM OF FOUR HOURS (expect excitement levels to drop to a 1.5 during this period).

4) Wait three hours and get bored so take it out and eat it.

EXCITEMENT LEVEL SEVEN!

I added a King Size Twix and some Oreos to make TWIX AND OREO ICE CREAM which is better than any flavour Ben and "Jerry"'s ever came up with ever. And if they did, they'd probably call it 'Cookie Karamel Crumble' or 'The Ice-Cream-inator' or 'Cherry Garcia' or something and charge you £4.99 for the privilege.

Angel Delight Ice Cream sort of works. It doesn't go icy like frozen milk, but it's not exactly light and creamy either - it's pretty dense and a little too sweet. Ultimately, good old fashioned Angel Delight is still the best.

Gobble Monkey Twix and Oreo ice cream, £1.79
Gobble Monkey says: 7 out of 7

*Don't

Twix McFlurry

So way back in Jan 2012, I wondered if this year would see the release of the almost mythical "Twix McFlurry" from McDonald's. Now I'm not saying the McDonald's bigwigs religiously read Gobble Monkey and obey it's every directive, but check this out:

It's just a massive co-incidence, right Ronald McDonald?

Hmmm anyway when Ronald McDonald started McDonald's restaurants back in the 1950s no one could have possibly dreamed of a Twix McFlurry. If you said the words "Twix McFlurry" to a 1950s American gentleman he would have probably called you a "nancy boy", punched you in the face and told you to get off his land before he shot you.

The words were literally meaningless. 

So a lot of people laughed at Ronald McDonald back then when he went around muttering things like "McFlurry" and "Fillet-O-Fish" incessantly. But that was mostly because he insisted on wearing make-up at all times. Plus back then people actually liked clowns and found them at least moderately amusing.

These days everyone hates clowns and finds them evil, and Ronald hasn't been allowed to appear in his own adverts since 1994, when he was replaced by things like salad and the Chicken Maestro.

Anyway, thank god that mental clown man stuck with his crazy ice-cream-mixed-with-a-popular-chocolate-bar idea because now in June 2012 they have finally reached their pinnacle.

So what do they taste like? Well, if you can imagine some cheap soft ice-cream with a Twix crumbled up in it, then you're most of the way there. Luckily that just about describes probably the best dessert combination of all time. Thanks Ron.

Twix McFlurry, McDonalds, 1.39p
Gobble Monkey says 6 out of 7
More Mcflurries

The White Twix

PREPARE YOUR EYES FOR A SHOCK:

The fabled White Twix - right in front of your face.

I'd heard legends of the White Twix before - whispered on street corners or loudly discredited in branches of Thorntons - but no one had actually ever seen one.

But this, found by my friend Becks in an east London newsagent, is all too real.

On this evidence, it seems to have been smuggled in from the Netherlands:

Those crazy Dutch! I knew they were free-thinking sex drug maniacs, but a Twix with WHITE CHOCOLATE?!

Anything goes over there doesn't it?

Back when I worked in the Coco Pops slave labour camp factory, I once suggested to Coco Monkey that he made white chocolate coco pops . I spent three days in The Hole, but it was worth it for the look on his stupid face.

Needless to say, white chocolate is rubbish - there's a reason why there's not a single successful white chocolate bar / cereal / cream-cheese based spread. Have you ever met anybody that likes white chocolate who isn't a baby? No.

But if any chocolate bar could survive the conversion to white, it would be the all conquering Twix, voted Gobble Monkey Best Chocolate Bar from 1994-2011*

SO LET'S FIND OUT.

Like all albinos, the white Twix is normal and should be treated as such. But look, it's milky skin is so light you can almost see through it!

The taste? Well, imagine a standard Twix but covered with white chocolate instead of milk chocolate, and you're pretty much there.

Sadly, here the Twix's two-finger USP is rendered redundant - there's no point in have two fingers of white twix. One will always be enough before the sickly white chocolate taste over stays its welcome.

I'm fairly sure it is still highly illegal to import these from Holland, but if you hang around the right newsagents, you may be able to get your hands on one. They're normally under the counter, but just give the shopkeeper a wink and ask to see the specials. Why not give it a try? You could always give the second finger to a friend or a passing baby.

White Twix, Mars Nederland
Gobble Monkey says: 3 out of 7

*except 2001 when a shock result saw a Kinder Bueno taking the top slot. I don't know what happened there.

TWIX CARAMEL SLICES

Do you like Twix?
Do you like Millionaire's Shortcakes?
Well, then imagine the expression on YOUR face when you see THESE on the supermarket shelf:

WOWZERS. A Twix version of the Millionaire's Shortcake biscuit. The most exiting biscuit event in 2011 right? Surely everyone is going mental over the new Twix Caramel Slice - RIGHT? I bet Mike Benton, Marketing Controller at McVitie’s Cake Company, especially is going crazy over these babies.

Well let's see just how excited Mike Benton, Marketing Controller at McVitie’s Cake Company is:

“With a younger range of consumers buying into the Twix brand than the current Slice segment and with incredibly high brand awareness in the UK, Twix Caramel Slices will drive incremental sales for retailers by attracting more consumers into the Slices category.”




CALM DOWN MIKE! I mean, we're all thrilled that AT LAST there's going to be more incremental sales in the Slices category! But wait, hang on, there's a 'Slice SEGMENT' and a 'Slice CATERGORY'? I'm confused, Mike. You didn't explain it well enough. I'm less excited now. You've spoiled it.

Sadly, they taste as though they've been in the cupboard for 18mths. The 'shortcake base' is soft and damp, letting down the whole biscuit. Perhaps they were trying to get away from the crunchy shortcake on the traditional Twix, but it's the crumbly texture of the biscuit base that defines the Millionaire Shortcake. These slices taste like you've just eaten one of your nan's sweaty flapjacks that you've taken on a long car journey on a very hot day.

Alright so that's Twix Caramel Slices. But while we're here, let's take a quick look at the new TOFFEE DODGERS - these counterparts to Burton's more traditional Jammie Dodgers look like they will BE DISGUSTING.

But before we judge, lets listen to what David Costello, Burton’s Foods’ Category and Activation Controller, had to say:

'Toffee Dodgers are the UK’s only biscuits with exposed toffee. They retain the gooey texture that’s synonymous with Jammie Dodgers but provide a fantastic new taste experience."

Exposed toffee! I love exposed toffee! Why hasn't anyone exposed toffee sooner?! Anyway, he goes on:

“Growth will come not only from Jammie Dodgers’ loyalists adding toffee to their repertoire, but more importantly, from consumers who are new to the Dodgers brand trading up from everyday biscuits."

For a start, 'Jammie Dodgers loyalists' sound well dodgy. Does anyone like Jammie Dodgers that much? Secondly - even if they did exist, i would imagine a Jammie Dodger Loyalist would have a very small biscuit 'repertoire' probably consisting PURELY of Jammie Dodgers. I'm not sure messing about with their precious Jammie Dodger is going to go down well. If anything, David, I think the Jammie Dodger Loyalists are going to completely reject the Toffee Dodger, overthrow your evil Burton Foods empire and burn your office down. Luckily THEY DON'T EXIST YOU WALLY.

However, Toffee Dodgers are actually quite nice - they not only trump their jammy brothers, but they are twice as tasty the Twix Caramel Slice. The biscuits are incredibly hard and crunchy and the toffee is stiff and chewy, meaning the whole thing is satisfyingly tough, perfect for dunking. 5 out of 7.
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Twix Caramel Slices, pack of six for £1.49
Interestingly vague ingredient: Milk Fat
Sour Level: zero
Gobble Money says: 1 out of 7