Ice Cream Chocolates

Remember when they made all those ice-creams based on your favourite chocolate bars? EG Twix Ice cream, Mars Ice Cream - even your least favourite ones, EG Bounty?

Well what about if they made all your favourite ice creams into CHOCOLATE*? (Yes that's right I said chocolate)

What's that you say? That would be completely pointless? What would be the point in that? I mean, for God's sake, why would I want a pointless tiny warm Cornetto?

Well, mes petits fans de singe - if you like eating a normal-sized cold Corneto, why wouldn't you like eating a small warm one? HMMM? Maybe it's YOU who is the fool.  Making ice creams into chocolate bars is a good idea - it means you can eat your favourite ice creams in a non-ice cream situation - EG on a cold day, upside down, in a bed.

Also on the plus side, with these smaller versions of your fave ice-cream treats, it's easy to pretend you are a giant. (Or at least an unusually large human.)

OK so let's test the new Cornetto, Magnum and Mini-Milk CHOCOLATES (yes that's right I said chocolates). The Cornetto chocolate tastes a lot like a normal Cornetto. The cone and nut / chocolate topping tastes identical to it's frosty cousin, but the ice cream itself has been replaced by a nice vanilla filling:

The Magnum chocolate tastes a lot like a Magnum ice cream except the ice cream again has been replaced by a nice vanilla filling:

The Mini Milk chocolate tastes nothing like Mini Milk ice cream but it is quite nice. (NO VANILLA FILLING INCLUDED)

So now you can enjoy your favourite ice creams in all seasons / underwater situations. You can even eat them really quickly without fear of brain freeze. It all makes sense.

In fact, I think life would be simpler if everything was a Cornetto.

Everyone likes Cornettos, right? If everything was a Cornetto (EG Medicine, sandwich crusts, dentists) then everything would be a lot less stressful. Making all things the same is good. It makes things easier for our simple brains to understand.

So my idea is: JUST MAKE EVERYTHING A CORNETTO.

Ice Cream Chocolates:

Cornetto Chocolate, 59p
Gobble Monkey says: 5 out of 7
BETTER THAN A REAL CORNETTO? Yes probably 

Magnum Chocolate, 65p
Gobble Monkey says: 5 out of 7
BETTER THAN A REAL MAGNUM? Hmmm not a white one

Mini-Milk Chocolate, 45p
Gobble Monkey says: 4 out of 7
BETTER THAN A REAL MINI-MILK? No. 

*if your favorite ice cream is a Twix ice-cream, don't worry about this

Angel Delight Ice Cream

I love Angel Delight - even to the point where sometimes I can't even be bothered to whisk it properly and just drink it like a sweet soup.

Don't judge me! It's the perfect dessert (apart from the whisking) - you don't have to chew it and it comes in butterscotch flavour. (Second only to cinnamon in the flavour roster, and as yet there is NO cinnamon flavour Angel Delight). And it's hard to combine two more attractive words in the English language than Angel and Delight. Look:

Angel (n):A typically benevolent celestial being that acts as an intermediary between heaven and earth

Delight (n): Something that gives great pleasure or enjoyment.

So basically that's like a magic winged ghost giving you a very enjoyable pudding in heaven. And it's a fair bet that God himself eats Angel Delight on a regular basis. (BET HE DOESN'T HAVE TO DO THE WHISKING THOUGH).

Whereas this:

sounds like the sort of pudding a nazi would serve.

Anyway, someone at Angel Delight HQ noticed what a blazing summer we're having and decided now was the time to bring out Angel Delight ICE CREAM.

Yeah you read that right - Angel Delight Ice Cream.

Sadly you have to make it yourself (more whisking), but it promises to be worth it. Look:

Now, Angel Delight is exciting - that's a given  - but FROZEN Angel Delight? That's TAKING EXCITEMENT TO A WHOLE NEW LEVEL What level of excitement are we on now? I'm glad you asked, it's Level 2.

Now - there's an extra twist involved in Angel Delight Ice Cream Mix. Check it:

Make it your own! Try adding peanut butter! NO THANKS. Don't try and tell me there's peanut butter in heaven. There isn't.

BUT this means anyone can finally better the b*@%*ds at Ben and Jerry's. If you've had enough of putting up with 'Phish Food' or 'Karamel Sutra' or any of their other hilariously named flavours - now is your time. The power is back in our hands people!  So if you really want to make some fresh fruit and peanut butter* ice cream, now you can. And let me let you into a little secret about Ben and Jerry's - there is no "Jerry"! That's right, there's a Ben, but he completely made up "Jerry" after a focus group said he's sell more ice-cream if people thought he had a friend. Think about it - no one is called Jerry in real life. There's that mouse and Jerry Seinfeld but that's it. Ben makes it all himself on a lonely farm.

Anyway, now we can make our own stupid flavours up! So here's how you make Angel Delight Ice Cream:

1) Add milk and whisk. At this point we are still on excitement level 2. (don't worry, I tasted the 'raw' mixture at this stage - 5 out of 7)

2) Pop in the 'extra' ingredients and pour into in Tupperware (excitement level 3)

3) Put a lid on it, freeze & WAIT FOR A MINIMUM OF FOUR HOURS (expect excitement levels to drop to a 1.5 during this period).

4) Wait three hours and get bored so take it out and eat it.

EXCITEMENT LEVEL SEVEN!

I added a King Size Twix and some Oreos to make TWIX AND OREO ICE CREAM which is better than any flavour Ben and "Jerry"'s ever came up with ever. And if they did, they'd probably call it 'Cookie Karamel Crumble' or 'The Ice-Cream-inator' or 'Cherry Garcia' or something and charge you £4.99 for the privilege.

Angel Delight Ice Cream sort of works. It doesn't go icy like frozen milk, but it's not exactly light and creamy either - it's pretty dense and a little too sweet. Ultimately, good old fashioned Angel Delight is still the best.

Gobble Monkey Twix and Oreo ice cream, £1.79
Gobble Monkey says: 7 out of 7

*Don't

PERCY PIG ICE-CREAMS

In line with their summer roll-out of frozen variants based on their popular sweet ranges, Marks and Spencer have turned their most famous confectionary into an ice-cream.

It's a curious beast - attempting very hard to replicate the flavour of the Percy Pig gum, but not quite managing it. There's a slight medicinal after-taste here, leaving you feeling a little bit like you've just come back from the dentist.

He's clearly meant to look like Percy too isn't he? But while the Percy sweet has a look of eternal optimism with his cheeky side-ways grin, the ice-cream looks angry. (Especially when he's a bit melty. Above he looks a bit like a horrible decaying zombie pig crying 'Please help me I'm melting!' as he stumbles blindly towards you.)

ANYWAY in case you are unaware of the Percy Pig phenomenon, here's the low-down. There is:

PERCY PIG - the original grape and raspberry flavoured gum launched in 1995.
LEMON SHEEP - Lemon and Strawberry flavoured pal of Percy (more on him below)
COLA COW - Cola flavoured pal of Percy (curiously whereas Percy and Lemon Sheep's ears are different flavours to their faces, Cola Cow is all one flavour)
PENNY PIG - Life partner of Percy, lemon flavoured gum
PERCY PIGLETS - Presumably the offspring of Penny and Percy, these are smaller versions of Percy, either entirely jelly gum or foam gums.

Why Lemon Sheep and Cola Cow are not allowed to have Christian names like Percy and Penny has NEVER been fully explained by Marks and Spencer.

Of course, M+S have since released many variants, from fizzy pig tails to the mighty Reversy Percy - where the jelly based ear gum is swapped with the foamy gum that usually makes up Percy's face. These had the unprecedented good fortune to be even more delicious than the standard Percy!

In other Percy news, there's a new Percy product - Rosy Noses - marshmallows with jelly topping. Which means you can now enjoy eating Percy's nose, face and tail at your leisure! I look forward to the next body part of a pig that M+S decide to jellify.

More importantly, I've just learned that M+S have FINALLY come to their senses and changed Lemon Sheep. He is now ORANGE flavoured - not much better, but a slight improvement on his bitter predecessor. However, this does mean you can no longer make the Coke and Lemon sandwich. Here's the Coke and Orange sandwich (quite nice).

By the way - NEVER try this:

You have been warned.
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Percy Pig Ice-Creams, Marks and Spencer, £1.29
Gobble Monkey says: 3 out of 7

To see the EVIL Percy imitators, click here AND here