Frijj Shakes

I've never quite fallen in love the Frijj range of milkshakes, mainly because I've never been sure how to pronounce the name. These new flavours, promoted by a weird circus cat and a cross dressing dog, purport to be Raspberry Jam Doughnut flavour (ACTUAL  FLAVOUR: Raspberry) and Honeycomb Choc Swirl flavour (ACTUAL FLAVOUR: Chocolate)

They have the usual consistency of a barium meal, and taste almost identical to the traditional chocolate
/raspberry
Frijj flavours.
OH WELL.

(strangely enough, both flavours have almost EXACTLY the same ingredients)




At least you can look at a dog with an umbrella or a cat banging a drum before or after drinking them. (not during).




Frijj have given each of their new characters a distinct personality. They are:

Hugo Meeow “the serious, balshy, dapper, tough one”
Pablo Pooch “the poser and slightly flamboyant one of the bunch”
Magnus Monkee (NOT AVAILABLE IN MY TESCOS) “the mischievous, cheeky chappy of the group”

Hugo, Pablo and Magnus. They sound like a bunch of tossers, don't they? Oh Hugo, you're so balshy! Magnus, stop being so mischievous! And Pablo, you poser, is that a tea-cosy on your head? And an umbrella! Are you being slightly flamboyant again?

Has anyone actually ever been described as "slightly flamboyant" before? Is that possible?

"Hey, what's Pablo like?" "Well, he's a tiny bit ostentatious, but he keeps it mostly to himself."

And yes, before you ask I did try mixing them to make a Choc Raspberry Jam Honeycomb Doughnut flavour.(ACTUAL FLAVOUR: chocolate again).

But what you really want to know is did I mix TURBO Tango with Strawberry Jam Chocolate Honeycomb Doughnut flavour Frijj?

Yes I did.

WORLD FIRST.

Frijj Raspberry Jam Doughnut Flavour, £1.20
Gobble Monkey says: 4 out of 7

Frijj Honeycomb Choc Swirl flavour, £1.20
Gobble Monkey says:  4 out of 7

Frijj Raspberry Choc Jam Honeycomb Swirl Doughnut flavour, £2.40
Gobble Monkey says: 4 out of 7

Frijj TURBO Raspberry Choc Jam Honeycomb Swirl Doughnut Orange flavour, £4
Gobble Monkey says: zero out of 7 

Tweet

DON'T FORGET TO CHECK OUT THE GOBBLE MONKEY CEREAL COMPETITION! here

TURBO Tango

Once Tango was an polite orange-based soft drink, then it was briefly about a big man slapping you in the face, now it is this:

TURBO Tango. A gas powered fizzy drink, designed to fill your mouth with a thick orangey foam. About as far away from an orange as it is possible to get. I don't even know if this thing qualifies as a foodstuff. Is it a drink? A toy? A weapon? It looks like the kind of thing you'd get tooled up with before setting fire to Footlocker. Look how violently exciting it sounds:

Any product that lists Nitrogen in its ingredients deserves full attention. Especially as its covered with slogans like 'READY TO BLOW!', 'NITRO FUELLED MAYHEM' and 'WARNING: FOAM EXPLOSION!' Watch out though, Britvic have trademarked all these phrases:

So don't go round casually saying FOAM EXPLOSION at any point OK? No matter how tempting it is. Even by repeatedly writing the words FOAM EXPLOSION here I am risking a massive law suit from Britvic. It's not like I haven't been warned - check out the in-your-face 'You Got That?' at the end there. "You got that DUDE? Yeah well you better GET IT bro, cos otherwise there's gonna be a FOAM EXPLOSION all over your face man!"

Let's see what the all together more sensible Jonathan Gatward, marketing director of Britvic Soft Drinks, has to say:

"With Turbo Tango, we’ve gone one step further and come up with a world first that really is 'soft drink meets squirty cream."

A 'world first'? You mean to tell me, Jonathan, that no one thought to mix Tango with dairy products before? It seems so obvious. But if that's your bag,  I've got some more 'world firsts' for you - how about 'soft drink meets skinny latte'? OR 'soft drink meets DairyLea Dunkers'? OR 'soft drink meets a quiche'?

Hopefully one day, ALL food and drink will come in foam form. Even a cup of tea. It would make life on the go much easier. Fingers crossed.

ANYWAY Let's stop messing around and start the FOAM PARTY! I can't WAIT to get me my FOAM EXPLOSION! (sue me Brtivic). I imagine it will be like a completely mental Ibiza foam party except ORANGE flavoured!

READY?

TAKE COVER! HERE WE GO!

QUICKLY CALL THE FOAM POLICE, THERE'S BEEN A FOAM EMERGENCY.

If i wanted some slightly flat Tango, I could just shake up a normal can and open it in my face. And I'd still have a more foamy experience than this. 

On the back of the bottle, it claims:

I would suggest, if you really want 'the ultimate foamy experience', you could:

a) have a bubble bath
or
b) do the WASHING UP

TURBO Tango will in no way will quench your thirst, and doesn't taste nice.

The two main things I ask for in a drink.

TURBO Tango, Britvic, £1.60
Interesting ingredient: Glycerol Esters of Wood Rosins
Gobble Monkey says: 2 out of 7

Tweet

DON'T FORGET TO CHECK OUT THE GOBBLE MONKEY CEREAL COMPETITION! here

Morrisons marshmallow squash

No one asked for a marshmallow flavoured squash drink, but Morrisons have made one anyway.

Here it is:

Do you think this will be:

a) refreshingly thirst quenching, bursting with the pure goodness of nature's own flavours, or
b) horrible?

(Clue: it's b) horrible)

It tastes a bit like someone has melted down seven pounds of pic 'n' mix and added water.

But apparently NO artificial flavours or colours were used to make this squash, so i can only assume REAL marshmallows were squeezed for their natural juice.

Let's check the ingredients:

The put SO much acid into this, that they needed to immediately balance it out with a load of acid regulator. At least they chucked in some sweet potato and a radish though.

Morrisons have also invented Rasberry Ripple flavour (not avaliable in my Morrisons) and this, Sherbert Lemon flavour.

OF COURSE I MIXED THEM TOGETHER.

It was c) undrinkable.

(thanks to @JenTip)

Morrisons Marshmallow Squash, 67p
Gobble Monkey says: 3 out of 7
Tweet