Gobble Monkey Chocolate Bar Competition 2013

HEY!

Remember the infamous Gobble Monkey cereal box competition of 2011? WHAT?!? What do mean no?!?

Check it out here then!

OK so here's a new competition - this time I want you to design your own 'Gobble Monkey' chocolate bar.

Here's one I made earlier: (NOTE: I deliberately made this rubbish in order to set the bar low)

There, that took me five minutes. See if you can do better in six minutes.

So you have to think of a name for your chocolate bar, design the wrapper and also give it a slogan. It doesn't have to good, you can do it on a post note and take a photo of it on your phone if you want.

THE PRIZE OF A £5 VOUCHER FOR CYBER CANDY (The World's Most Amazing Sweet Shop / Website) WILL BE GIVEN TO THE CHOCOLATE BAR I DEEM TO BE THE BEST

Here are the rules:

RULES:
1) Gobble Monkey is a family website, so no smut please. 
2) Closing date is Monday May13th 2013 
3) You don't have to use the my wrapper template,  you don't have to use the monkey. You can do anything you want. 
4) No other rules
5) Good luck

HOW TO ENTER:
You can email your entries to chiltonrocks@googlemail.com

upload them to facebook at: www.facebook.com/gobblemonkey

or attempt to tweet them to: twitter/gobblemonkey

FIND BELOW THE MONKEY AND BLANK WRAPPER FOR YOUR DISPOSAL*. GO!

*only if you want to

Ice Cream Chocolates

Remember when they made all those ice-creams based on your favourite chocolate bars? EG Twix Ice cream, Mars Ice Cream - even your least favourite ones, EG Bounty?

Well what about if they made all your favourite ice creams into CHOCOLATE*? (Yes that's right I said chocolate)

What's that you say? That would be completely pointless? What would be the point in that? I mean, for God's sake, why would I want a pointless tiny warm Cornetto?

Well, mes petits fans de singe - if you like eating a normal-sized cold Corneto, why wouldn't you like eating a small warm one? HMMM? Maybe it's YOU who is the fool.  Making ice creams into chocolate bars is a good idea - it means you can eat your favourite ice creams in a non-ice cream situation - EG on a cold day, upside down, in a bed.

Also on the plus side, with these smaller versions of your fave ice-cream treats, it's easy to pretend you are a giant. (Or at least an unusually large human.)

OK so let's test the new Cornetto, Magnum and Mini-Milk CHOCOLATES (yes that's right I said chocolates). The Cornetto chocolate tastes a lot like a normal Cornetto. The cone and nut / chocolate topping tastes identical to it's frosty cousin, but the ice cream itself has been replaced by a nice vanilla filling:

The Magnum chocolate tastes a lot like a Magnum ice cream except the ice cream again has been replaced by a nice vanilla filling:

The Mini Milk chocolate tastes nothing like Mini Milk ice cream but it is quite nice. (NO VANILLA FILLING INCLUDED)

So now you can enjoy your favourite ice creams in all seasons / underwater situations. You can even eat them really quickly without fear of brain freeze. It all makes sense.

In fact, I think life would be simpler if everything was a Cornetto.

Everyone likes Cornettos, right? If everything was a Cornetto (EG Medicine, sandwich crusts, dentists) then everything would be a lot less stressful. Making all things the same is good. It makes things easier for our simple brains to understand.

So my idea is: JUST MAKE EVERYTHING A CORNETTO.

Ice Cream Chocolates:

Cornetto Chocolate, 59p
Gobble Monkey says: 5 out of 7
BETTER THAN A REAL CORNETTO? Yes probably 

Magnum Chocolate, 65p
Gobble Monkey says: 5 out of 7
BETTER THAN A REAL MAGNUM? Hmmm not a white one

Mini-Milk Chocolate, 45p
Gobble Monkey says: 4 out of 7
BETTER THAN A REAL MINI-MILK? No. 

*if your favorite ice cream is a Twix ice-cream, don't worry about this

Cadbury Marvellous Creations

Now, imagine eating a handful of jelly tots quickly followed by a handful of chocolate. That would be a time consuming way of eating a fairly disgusting snack, wouldn't it? Well, Cadbury's best chocolate technicians have managed to cut that time from 5.5 seconds to roughly 2.3 seconds - thereby saving you 3.2 seconds.

It's basic science - they've simply chucked in a load of jelly and smarties into their Dairy Milk and called it "Marvellous Creations: Jelly Popping Candy Shells Covered in Delicious Cadbury Dairy Milk".

(Unfortunately they've also chucked in some popping candy. Note to Cadbury: NO ONE OVER THE AGE OF SEVEN LIKES POPPING CANDY.)

I like the name "Marvellous Creations" though. It's very modest. I'm thinking of renaming this blog "Really Good Gobble Monkey" or "Excellent Sweet Blog". Anyway, in case you were thinking it's a bit rich of Cadbury to decide themselves how "marvellous" their product is, STOP PANICKING.

On the back of the packet, Cadbury explain they have something called a "Joy-o-meter" at their headquarters that measures the "levels of marvellousness" of their chocolate. The exact specifications of this Joy-O-Meter are NOT explained, but I think we should trust them. It's not like it sounds made up or anything.

After all, they named it after the location of their HQ, which Cadbury claim is based somewhere called "Joyville", see?

Joyville sounds brilliant, doesn't it? I bet it's just like Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory. Oh yeah, close your eyes and picture the chocolate rivers and orange dwarf slaves! Here's a picture of Joyville from the Cadbury marketing campaign:

Joyville

Sadly, I looked it up and in reality, Cadbury's head office is Uxbridge Business Park, Uxbridge. Here's Uxbridge Business Park, Uxbridge:

Uxbridge Business Park, Uxbridge

WHERE ARE THE CHOCOLATE RIVERS?! 

But listen, if Cadbury's were honest about their HQ, then they'd have to rename their Joy-o-Meter "Uxbridge-Business-Park-O-Meter" which would be confusing for everybody.

So best not worry about it. ANYWAY, squares are boring, right? Straight lines are for losers, we all know that. Why not get rid of all square shaped things and replace them with random shapes? That would be more fun, wouldn't it? NO BECAUSE HOUSES WOULD FALL DOWN.

Well, putting jelly into chocolate wasn't quite mental enough for Cadbury, so they went even further and made the chocolate 'squares' in Marvellous Creations all squiggly. What have they been putting in the tea at Uxbridge Business Park, eh?! Those guys are cray-zee.

BONKERS

The 'squares' have different textures on them too - one's a bit wavy, one looks a bit like it's been sitting on grass for too long, one has 'Cadbury' written on it. Don't worry, they all taste the same.

In truth, whisper it, the irregular-shaped pieces are a genius move by Cadbury - fine, the textures make no difference - but the different shapes mean you get a varied amount of jelly/candy shell etc in each piece, ensuring you'll keep going back for more.

Unfortunately, while the jelly pieces make a surprisingly pleasant addition to the chocolate, the popping candy is a step too far and pushes the bar into novelty territory. However,  the other new bar in the Marvellous Creations range, Cookie Nut Crunch, is amazing.

It's probably the most moreish chocolate I've ever eaten in my life - and I don't even like nuts.

It really sends the Uxbridge-Business-Park-O-Meter off the scale. (IF THE SCALE WAS A MARK OUT OF SEVEN AND "OFF" MEANT A SCORE OF SIX)

Marvellous Creations: Jelly Popping Candy, Cadbury, £2.49
Uxbridge-Buisness-Park-O-Meter says: 3 out of 7

Marvellous Creations: Cookie Nut Crunch, Cadbury, £2.49
Uxbridge-Buisness-Park-O-Meter says: 6 out of 7