Rowntree's Randoms Rip'ems

Oh fantastic a new Rowntree's Randoms product!

It's only been, like what, a week since Squidgy Speak were forced upon an unsuspecting nation? And now we've got these:

Rowntree's Randoms Rip'ems.

HEY GOBBLE MONKEY, WHAT'S SO RANDOM ABOUT ROWNTREE'S RANDOMS RIP'EMS?

Stop shouting. I don't know why you're even asking me that question, just look at them:

LOOK:

RANDOM ALERT.
Have you ever seen anything more random than that?

I mean,  Rowntree's Randoms had random shapes. Rowntree's Randoms Squidgy Speak had random words.

But Rowntree's Randoms Rip'ems are straight, coloured lines. The most random thing of all. 

You were expecting, maybe a hat, or a crow - or even a crow wearing a hat, BUT Rowntree's have subverted your expectations once again by giving you a line. THE THING YOU LEAST EXPECTED. You fool.

Don't panic though, our Graham, Nestle UK's trade communications manager, is back to explain all:

"Innovation is critical to driving fruit singles growth across all ages of consumers, but particularly with a younger audience. Rowntree's Randoms Rip'Ems is a highly innovative and unique product that is certain to capture shoppers' attention as well as their imaginations," Graham Walker, trade communications manager at Nestle UK, said.

Graham is right on the money this time, Rip'ems really have captured my imagination. Check this out:

INNOVATIVE.

Then I let my imagination run wild: 

UNIQUE.

Then I got bored.

DRIVING FRUIT SINGLES GROWTH.

They taste a bit like plastic - and if you play with them for a while, then plastic mixed with sweaty hands. That actually improves them slightly. 

Rowntree's Random Rip'ems, 50p 

Gobble Monkey says: 3 out of 7 (with sweat, 4 out of 7) 

Gobble Monkey Chocolate Bar Competition 2013

HEY!

Remember the infamous Gobble Monkey cereal box competition of 2011? WHAT?!? What do mean no?!?

Check it out here then!

OK so here's a new competition - this time I want you to design your own 'Gobble Monkey' chocolate bar.

Here's one I made earlier: (NOTE: I deliberately made this rubbish in order to set the bar low)

There, that took me five minutes. See if you can do better in six minutes.

So you have to think of a name for your chocolate bar, design the wrapper and also give it a slogan. It doesn't have to good, you can do it on a post note and take a photo of it on your phone if you want.

THE PRIZE OF A £5 VOUCHER FOR CYBER CANDY (The World's Most Amazing Sweet Shop / Website) WILL BE GIVEN TO THE CHOCOLATE BAR I DEEM TO BE THE BEST

Here are the rules:

RULES:
1) Gobble Monkey is a family website, so no smut please. 
2) Closing date is Monday May13th 2013 
3) You don't have to use the my wrapper template,  you don't have to use the monkey. You can do anything you want. 
4) No other rules
5) Good luck

HOW TO ENTER:
You can email your entries to chiltonrocks@googlemail.com

upload them to facebook at: www.facebook.com/gobblemonkey

or attempt to tweet them to: twitter/gobblemonkey

FIND BELOW THE MONKEY AND BLANK WRAPPER FOR YOUR DISPOSAL*. GO!

*only if you want to

Ice Cream Chocolates

Remember when they made all those ice-creams based on your favourite chocolate bars? EG Twix Ice cream, Mars Ice Cream - even your least favourite ones, EG Bounty?

Well what about if they made all your favourite ice creams into CHOCOLATE*? (Yes that's right I said chocolate)

What's that you say? That would be completely pointless? What would be the point in that? I mean, for God's sake, why would I want a pointless tiny warm Cornetto?

Well, mes petits fans de singe - if you like eating a normal-sized cold Corneto, why wouldn't you like eating a small warm one? HMMM? Maybe it's YOU who is the fool.  Making ice creams into chocolate bars is a good idea - it means you can eat your favourite ice creams in a non-ice cream situation - EG on a cold day, upside down, in a bed.

Also on the plus side, with these smaller versions of your fave ice-cream treats, it's easy to pretend you are a giant. (Or at least an unusually large human.)

OK so let's test the new Cornetto, Magnum and Mini-Milk CHOCOLATES (yes that's right I said chocolates). The Cornetto chocolate tastes a lot like a normal Cornetto. The cone and nut / chocolate topping tastes identical to it's frosty cousin, but the ice cream itself has been replaced by a nice vanilla filling:

The Magnum chocolate tastes a lot like a Magnum ice cream except the ice cream again has been replaced by a nice vanilla filling:

The Mini Milk chocolate tastes nothing like Mini Milk ice cream but it is quite nice. (NO VANILLA FILLING INCLUDED)

So now you can enjoy your favourite ice creams in all seasons / underwater situations. You can even eat them really quickly without fear of brain freeze. It all makes sense.

In fact, I think life would be simpler if everything was a Cornetto.

Everyone likes Cornettos, right? If everything was a Cornetto (EG Medicine, sandwich crusts, dentists) then everything would be a lot less stressful. Making all things the same is good. It makes things easier for our simple brains to understand.

So my idea is: JUST MAKE EVERYTHING A CORNETTO.

Ice Cream Chocolates:

Cornetto Chocolate, 59p
Gobble Monkey says: 5 out of 7
BETTER THAN A REAL CORNETTO? Yes probably 

Magnum Chocolate, 65p
Gobble Monkey says: 5 out of 7
BETTER THAN A REAL MAGNUM? Hmmm not a white one

Mini-Milk Chocolate, 45p
Gobble Monkey says: 4 out of 7
BETTER THAN A REAL MINI-MILK? No. 

*if your favorite ice cream is a Twix ice-cream, don't worry about this