Rowntrees Sour Faces

GOBBLE MONKEY LOVES SOUR SWEETS.  That familiar, almost painful, tingle that stabs the back of your jaw when you chew on a Tangfastic Sour Cherry is a small pleasure akin to licking a battery.

If you like sour sweets too, things have been simplified for you. Just choose your favourite of the following three things:

                                                                                     FACES
                                                                                MONSTERS
                                                                                   DRINKS

(which are the basic choices you can apply to most things in life really.)

Before you rush into a decision, here's the lowdown:

FACES:

Rowntrees have followed up their non-random 'Randoms' with these even less random 'Sour Faces' - jellied eyes, mustaches, noses, glasses and lips for people who like eating faces.

They just get away with mustaches and glasses, but i would question whether a bow-tie really counts as being part of a 'face'. Therefore I would rename Rowntrees Sour Faces as 'Sour Faces with Additional Sour Face & Neck Accessories.'

Anyway, there is some fun to be had with making the faces of various sour faced celebrities from the sour face parts and sour face/neck accessories.

                                                                                QUITE SOUR

                                                                       SOUR AS A LEMON

                                                                             VERY SOUR

(I cheated with that last one and used part of a cola bottle.)

MONSTERS:

Check out this open letter from the Haribo Head Office on the back of the packet of their 'Super Sour Monsters'.

They make it sound like 'GoldBear' is a mentally deranged loose cannon, allowed to wander freely round the Haribo factory, randomly making potentially fatal decisions over the sweet recipes.


"Hey, what's GoldBear doing over by the Tangfastics with his pants down?"
"Oh ha ha don't worry that's just Goldbear being a little bit naughty again!"

DRINKS:

Look at the (horrible) drawing of the sour cola bottle on the Fruit-tella 'Sour Drinks' packet. He's been driven INSANE by how incredibly sour he is, biting off his own tongue just to stop the sheer sourness of his very being.

These must be REALLY sour, right?

To find out I carried out the Gobble Monkey Sour Tongue Time Test. How long could each sour sweet remain on the tongue before it became too painful?

After the 'Children's Farm' fiasco, this is another huge embarrassment for Fruit-tella. They could get done under the trade descriptions act for this. I demand the word 'sour' is dropped from all future packaging, leaving them just called 'Drinks'. (Which will teach Fruit-tella for coming up with such lame unimaginative names for their products.)

'Sour' Drinks are the least sour things you will ever eat. (Unless you soak them in vinegar for an hour before eating. Then they are SLIGHTLY sour. Maybe that is what you are supposed to do.)

Ultimately, Faces may be slightly more sour than Monsters, but the latter's depth of flavour and superior chewiness gives them the edge.

Rowntrees Sour Faces, £2.49

Gobble Monkey says: 4 out of 7

Haribo Super Sour Monsters, £1

Gobble Monkey says: 5 out of 7

Fruit-tella Sour Drinks, £1.99

Gobble Monkey says: 1 out of 7

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