It's one of those old English laws that if it ever snows in the UK, ALL humans must immediately stop what they are doing and talk about snow for the next 24 hours non-stop.
The first 6 hours will be excited chitter chatter and gazing out of windows, taking photos of back gardens and general screeching. This must be followed by 18 hours of pure moaning. Then, the next day, when the snow has inevitably turned to evil black sludge, the entirety of the day must be spent reminiscing about the snow, talking about how much everyone misses snow and wondering if the snow will PLEASE PLEASE come back. Every one will agree that snow is at once the best thing that has ever happened ever, and simultaneously a terrible curse of the planet because it made a train go slowly in Kent.
The snow will then be immediately forgotten, except when wistfully recalled by an old grandad, like a thing of fantasy and wonder that could not possibly exist in the tropical climates of England. Until next winter.
THAT IS THE LAW.
In fact, not many people know that snow was actually first invented by the Slush Puppy Company in 1982 in order to sell frozen water to children at vastly inflated prices.
Slush Puppies were a bit rubbish weren't they nostalgia-fans? Crushed ice mixed with an painfully sweet flavoured syrup to make a non-refreshing treat. Whenever I got one, I would greedily suck up all the flavoured syrup from the bottom, leaving me left with a large paper cup full of tasteless ice. But luckily a genius at the Slush Puppie Co has now invented this:
Slush Puppie Squeeze Candy: Strawberry Flavour.
So now you can enjoy a Slush Puppy at anytime, without the need to bother with the boring ice component!
BUT if you are lucky enough to experience the miracle of SNOW, and you own a tube of Slush Puppie Squeeze Candy (and thanks @mullies I do) you can make your very own real live Slush Puppie* using the squeeze candy with ice provided by God himself.
Here's the Gobble Monkey guide to making your very own Slush Puppie*
1) Collect a pint glass full of snow from nearest bin top**
2) Squeeze in your official Slush Puppie Squeeze Candy.
3) Mash up with a fork
4) Enjoy!**
Do it quick before the snow turns to evil black sludge!
Slush Puppie Squeeze Candy: Strawberry Flavour, 89p
Gobble Monkey says: 5 out of 7
*not a real puppy
** UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES SHOULD YOU EVER EAT SNOW TAKEN FROM A BIN TOP
Only the blue one was ever any good. And a bit mad, you know, eating BLUE stuff!
ReplyDeleteSlush Puppies are a crushed ice treat in Britain? They're exactly like Slurpees or Icees here in the States, so sort of a weird blended combination of syrup, carbonated water, and strange unearthly chemicals.
ReplyDeleteHow did the candy taste without the addition of snow?
I like slush puppies I think the ice helps the drink become a SLUSH puppy
ReplyDeleteI love slush puppie squeeze but where do i get them from in the UK!?
ReplyDeleteThe snow will then be immediately forgotten, except when wistfully recalled by an old grandad, like a thing of fantasy and wonder that could not possibly exist in the tropical climates of England. Until next winter. teacup puppies
ReplyDelete