Review of the year 2011

I HATE REVIEWS OF THE YEAR. Basically an excuse for lazy, lazy journalists to fill up page after page of their papers/magazines with cut-and-pasted bore-o-grams rehashing the past 12 months.

Oh good some OLD news. Doesn't that sort of negate the whole concept of 'news' - it's supposed to be new, right? HEY! Remember that thing that happened in April? YES I DO REMEMBER IT. IT WAS ONLY 8 MONTHS AGO MY BRAIN IS CAPABLE OF REMEMBERING THINGS THAT HAPPENED WITHIN THE LAST 12 MONTHS. Thanks for reminding me of it about in a bite-sized paragraph though - I'd almost forgotten that there was a Royal Wedding this year, it's not like I heard much about it at the time. Tell you what, why don't you try writing something new and interesting rather than just regurgitating tweets from Ashton Kutcher next to a picture of Pippa Middleton's bottom?

(the BBC couldn't even name their 12 best pandas of 2011 without resorting to including random women)

A better thing to do would be to add up all the good things that happened in 2011, add up all the bad things that happened in 2011, work out the percentage and turn it into a pie-chart. Then put that on the cover of the newspaper with the following caption: "USE YOUR OWN BRAIN TO REMEMBER THINGS THAT HAPPENED RECENTLY"

like this:

Anyway with that in mind, here is the compulsory Gobble Monkey review of the year 2011:

Jan-Feb: not much happened in these months

March: or this one.

April: Cadbury's Creme Egg McFlurry goes on sale.

May: Gobble Monkey arrives on the Internet!

June: The Natural Confectionery Company confused everyone with the release of Guzzle Puzzle - accompanied by a barely broadcastable advert that succeeded in sexualising the gummy sweets and alienating almost all over their core audience (except perverts)

July: Swizzels Matlow Pigs Mugs receive the highest ever Gobble Monkey rating and subsequently sell-out across the UK.

August: Turbo Tango is released. It's a massive failure.

September: Gobble Monkey cereal Twix Mix launched. It's a massive failure.

October: Wispa prematurely re-launch Wispa Golds in a bid to capitalise on the Olympics almost an entire year too early.

Mid October: Giant evil robot Mega-Zoid attacks London, stepping on St Pauls and squishing the millennium wheel.
November: Nothing

December: Galaxy Truffles removed from boxes of Celebrations.

But what joys will 2012 hold? Will it finally be the year of the Twix McFlurry? (Clue: no)

The big confectionery boom in 2011 was the introduction of large sharing size 'grab bag' style packets of chocolates like Crunchie Rocks and KitKat Pop Chocs. I think we'll see more of these and perhaps another new range of gummy sweets after the huge success of Rowntrees Randoms. But I predict there will be few new launches, with the big choc companies playing it safe by tweaking their classic brands or testing the market with 'limited edition' variations like the Flake Allure and Triple Choc Mars we saw this year.

Have a good 2012!